I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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