i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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