the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
