i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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