I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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