The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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