the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
