I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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