he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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