Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
