Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
