And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
