remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
