I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize