He asked to "fluff my boner.."
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
