I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
