I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
