ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
