I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
