Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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