ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
