Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
