I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
