We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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