Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
