WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
