About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
