I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
