I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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