yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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