Christians are straight up FREAKS
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
