I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
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So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
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How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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