when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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