My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
