Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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