and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
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i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
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I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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