I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
