she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
