Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Alive.
So much puke
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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