You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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