I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
