took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I fill condoms, not promises.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
PANTIES FOUND
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
