I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
