Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
