I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
