wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
