and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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