i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
