K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
