His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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