soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
