It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
