I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize