1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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