so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
