So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
