Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
