and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
