So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
