a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
