I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize