After last night, I could never be a politician.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
