Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
