i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
